MY GREY DREAMS di Federico Furlan

I knew a man, who once said: “I have a dream, that one day, people could be richer and happier than ever in our green world.” And another great man said: “Happiness is true only if it is shared.” Probably you are wondering how we can get this happy and green world. Well, trust me: our future can be happy, can be better: it can be grey. That’s because today we have this elegant new Highway.
I have a dream: imagine all the cars, driving in peace and uh-uh-uuuuh, transporting resources, money, happiness, from factory to factory in half of the time. Because that’s what we want, that’s our nature as human beings: the highway is in our blood. In fact, let us don’t forget that this street is the direct descendant of the famous ancient Roman roads, that made this country great. You may don’t know that our engineers have found the project in a secret archive owned by Brunelleschi. The street lines are decorated by Raffaello, and the road signs are sculpted by Michelangelo. Right now we are one step away from proving that our highway is the rightful heir of the road to Damascus, where our Lord revealed himself. That’s why I’m not scared to say that this human masterpiece is blessed by God.
I have a dream: that one day, no one can talk about injustice. And for this project actually, no one can talk about injustice, because every man, every woman, every child gave something in order to make a dream come true. Here on the left, you can see an ancient convent that in the Middle Ages was full of old closed-minded monks. But during the works this building hosted many celebrities: actors, singers, but no politicians, let’s leave politics out of here. So, many celebrities worked together with the workers, because this street is for everyone. And now that this convent is abandoned, I hope we can destroy it soon, so we have the space for parking. And for those who are, you know, “nostalgic”, we can always rebuild this building elsewhere, more ancient, more beautiful.
I have a dream: to see factories spawning everywhere, that will increase production, increase our health and wealth. Because we say YES! Yes to production, yes to health, yes to wealth. A factory there, and there, and here, and here <3. And today I see them, I see them grey, for me and you. And I think to myself: what a wonderful world.

-HELP! There is an accident!


-There’s an accident on the highway!


-Yes, yes, I swear!

-There isn’t any accident.

-Yes, yes! There is!

-Enough with this fake news.

-But it is still there, it’s blocking the traffic!

-No way, are you serious?? No, no, no, no. You can’t stop the traffic! You know, those trucks are carrying precious humanitarian aid for the needy populations where hills are on fire. And now you with your accident are blocking them. Then you are against this society, you are against democracy. You’d better get away and let this highway do its job. Go away! Ah, people are crazy…
I have a dream today. That one day, people from all over the world will be able to come and see from our Highway this beautiful landscape: hills covered by grapes, that ensure our special wine, and then…oh, grapes… and… ok, other grapes, and grapes and there… grapes. Ok, I have to say it: I don’t like wine. Especially when it tastes like pesticides, but it’s ok, you know, it’s alright. We have to keep human control over nature. Because humans and nature are not friends. Our rivalry is ancient. Come on, we eat nature! But we have to be careful, because one day or another, nature will eat us. Look at the sea: you can see the sea from here. See how it’s getting higher and higher. Do you want to see entire families drown under high water? Flooded houses, our work all destroyed? So we need to impose human rules over nature, we must show our superiority, and… oh, is this factory new? I don’t remember it… well, ok. I say we must continue to build and… oh, no, I’m sure that this factory wasn’t here. And that one? Wait, where am I? I’m not sure that… no, no. You were not there! Five minutes ago there was a field just there and oh, ehm, I’m confused. What’s happening? This is not my town! I believe… sorry, I think I need a break… thank you.
Highway: I’m sorry, it’s not my fault. They told me I would connect people in a better way, but it seems to me that I’m dividing them. Highway yes, highway no, maybe yes, maybe not. There is only one thing I want to say: I really don’t know what to do.


Ladies and gentlemen,
In a probable future when humanity is extinct, three things are left in the world:
1) Mushrooms
2) Dogs
3) Definitely something else.
On Via Marocchesa, in Mogliano Veneto, there is Veneland, an abandoned, vandalized amusement park, a decaying place if you can call it that. At the entrance to the park, now a cement land that winks at the sky, there is a fake Rialto bridge, a symbol of prestige and a memory of the ancient vigour of the Republic of Venice.
To accentuate the frightening and disturbing scenery of this place, where the laughter of children now gone echoes, across the street there is an old, abandoned asylum; all covered with ivy that seems to want to swallow it up. Not far from the corpses of the two buildings, there is a highway which no one has driven on for years. It would be impossible to do so now because it is clogged with traffic accidents. Contemporary art sculptures.
The buildings are unrecognisable.
Two mushrooms:

  • in Veneland a Golden chanterelle;
  • in the old asylum an amanita muscaria.
    G: Stop… I said stop… Stop stupid dog, stop sniffing me. If only God had given me two arms by now I would have punched you on that big, wet nose. Go away! Do you have to pee right on me! There are more than a hundred square meters ready to absorb your sour liquid and you chose me?!
    (To himself) Here… Good, go away you beast of Satan.
    I wonder how these “ass sniffers” imbeciles survived.
    (Dog sneezes)
    No, no, no! My children come back here, up on little spores. Bah, be good mushrooms.
    (To the amanita) Hey Ama, Ama! Oh Ama, my spores are coming…
    A: One, two, three white dots. There should be twenty-eight in all. Six, seven… Where is the seventh one? Where is the seventh dot? Jesus Christ, where are you? Oh, there you are. Eight, nine, ten white dots. How nice you are “eleven” and you are also nice “twelve”… You have grown up a little, should I be worried?
    G: Ama… Spore!
    A: Eh! What?
    G: Spore!
    A: Sure?
    G: Spore!
    A: Swear?
    G: Fuck you, make do, you fool.
    A: But what are you (verses), you are sticking, oh, you cover me all over… But where did you come from? Oh fuck… Spores! (Blowing) Go away, go away, go away. I don’t want to mix my blood with you, I don’t want to be a half-breed, a Muggle, a half-breed, a joke! What’s going to happen, I’m going to turn orange, maybe amber, and then… Then my dots will be halved, or worse, doubled… I will have no more dots. The ruin, the catastrophe!
    G: We can’t belong to the same species.
    I say, it’s not bad to be alone, yes, excluding the ass sniffers. They’ve left us a whole world to colonize, no one will eat us anymore, no more frying pans, no more butter, no more mantecatura, frozen mushrooms, fried, raw, creamed, powdered, in oil. No more. Well, men could eat the champignons, silly insipid fat mushrooms.
    In short, they underestimated us, but they were wrong… Because we are everywhere and nowhere, we lived in their stomachs, and I like to think we destroyed them from the inside.
    A: I eat them up.
    G: Yes, I also hate them.
    A: No… I am eating them.
    G: You’re fucking weird…
    A: If I had been a man, I would have wanted to be like Muscario Dario. I read about him in some old asylum file: he killed 28 people with 28 stab wounds. Do you understand?
    (G does not answer)
    Do you understand?
    (G does not answer)
    Do you understand?
    G: No, no, I don’t understand, I beg you to explain it to me.
    A: 28 people, 28 stabs… 28 white dots!!! And what colour is the blood?
    (G doesn’t answer)
    (G does not answer)
    G: Red, Jesus Christ, red.
    A: Red like the colour of my hat.
    Maybe our DNAs are mixing. I can feel it, it’s the beginning of something new. The mutation has started. The man-fungus era is coming.
    G: Monstrous.
    A: Very cool.
    G: You’re delirious.
    A: No, I’m evolving.
    G: Let me guess, maybe your mutant name will be “Titian”?
    A: No! How do you know that?
    G: Or “Giorgione”. And you will be the fifth member of the Ninja Turtles!
    A: You’re funny G. But, be careful because you should start being afraid of me.
    G: Oh yeah?! And why?
    A: Because the first thing I’ll do as a mutant…
    G: Go ahead…
    A: It will devour you.
    G: Oh nooooooo. Good thing you don’t have legs.
    A: I will dear my “Normal and banal Golden chanterelle”.
    G: Banal no, otherwise they wouldn’t have sold me at three hundred euros a kilo. Normal… thank you.
    G: I will have very long and powerful legs, I will be able to go around the world in just 28 days. I’ll see everything, I’ll know everything and I’ll reproduce by sinking my teeth into foreign bodies, at which point my spores will flow in their blood and the mould and fungi will reach their brain. They will grow and I will have control over the minds of every living thing. Mine will be an army of ‘fungus-man-dog mutant zombies with high mental faculties’. I will be a good dictator. Handy, but who can be respected. I want them to love me, but fear me at the same time.
    G: Maybe you should scale back your dreams, Ama.
    A: No, never, because one day my father said to me:
    He said, “One day, you’ll leave this world behind
    So live a life you will remember”.
    My father told me when I was just a child
    “These are the nights that never die”.
    My father told me.
    G: So your father was a techno disc jockey?
    A: Maybe. I cannot be sure, but neither I can’t deny that the possibility exists.
    You know, I think I would be a good father.
    G: Hu hu.
    A: I feel it’s time to grow up, take some responsibility, become a serious and committed mushroom. No more psycho killers, no more obsessive-compulsives.
    G: Right. I can’t wait to meet your children.
    A: You’re lucky, it’s going to happen soon.
    G: What are you talking about.
    A: Our children of mine.
    G: What?
    A: Your spores. Silly mushroom.
    G: Oh shit. Fuck you dog. I swear if you don’t extinguish yourselves, I’ll make you extinguish.
    A: Do you see them? They surround me. 28 babies of banal Golden chanterelle. 28 like…?
    G: Your white dots, yes.
    A: Exactly. I don’t mind them after all, little yellow rags. I find them cute. What are you still doing here you stupid deformed dog? What are you supposed to be, a Chihuahua? Go away, you filthy rat. Leave my family alone!
    G: My family!
    A: Not any more.
    Yeah, that’s right, go ruin another family, you home-wrecker. I wonder how these beasts of Satan survived.
    The noise of the flush being flushed.
    What was that?
    G. What was that?
    G: Someone flushed the toilet.

YOUR LEAFS OF OURS di Andreas Garivalis

The human

A huge hill covered by trees, not so green, no more. Far away the sea can be seen; and a river, with a horrible colour, embrace his salad mother. On the right side, on a climb, a Platanus stands in a little puddle of green grass, near an elegant rose bush and a fat yellow tulip. The Platanus has just a few leaves on the right branch, all the other side is shriveled up. Down the climb, on the other hand, stays in solitude a high, dark brown, schlieric cypress, struggling.
C: (breathes heavily) Doing photosynthesis is hard work, you know? You need fresh air, good water, good soil. Oh shit, it passed so long when we tasted water, good water transparent and sweet. Even the river, there, who comes to the sea: is not beautiful what I see.
On the other hand, the Platanus is sucking something from its root.
P: (sucking) ahhh…bleah! (sucking) uuuuugh! Blah, uuuufh! Aaaaaah! Oh, what a tremendous taste! It’s like eating dust! (sucking).
C: Why are you complaining? At least you have something to eat!
P: A quicklime–cooked goat? I assure us that It’s disgusting.
C: Disgusting? Disgusting you said? You arrogant, selfish, firewood!
P: The sun is hot today! Wonderful! Let’s see what my leaves of ours can do today. (It does photosynthesis) Aaaaaaah…oh god, it’s beautiful! I’m high! I’m high!
C: You son of a piss, how dare you complain about this? You so lucky and so stupid chop!
P: Relaaaax! You need to relax! Oh man! Did you see the sea! And the river! So beautifully brown!
C: We see them every day! Every day! Can lightning struck you in your wonderful face of ours?
P: Come on! Chill! What do you need? A taste of this terrible goat?
C: I’ll give one of my precious strobili for that!
P: Ok, ok then! I’ll send you something! Are you connected to the mushroomnet?
C: No, my darling, I beg your pardon, but your request is too far from fucking reality! Down there the water is too deep to find, the net is deeper than we can arrive!
P: Ok ok ok, we see. What about the old twitter mail? Have your branches of ours at least one bird?
C: There is this ill, plucked, all-day-coughing wren.
P: Send it here!
C: Go little dot! Go! Go! Please flap your wings! Quicker! (it blows to help).
P: Here you are little buddy! Uh hahaha! Stop tickling me!
C: Stop losing time you idiot! Do your duty.
P: Hehehehe! Nononono! Not in the holes! Hahahaaaaaa!
C: I’ll choke you, little plumed squirrel!
P: Ow, finally, you stopped. What are you doing here? Ah, you’ve found a friend! Look, Cypress, how cute they are!
C: They’ll be cuter dead!
P: Oh…oh…hey! Stop now! Hey! I hope there are no children in the audience! Hey! That’s too much! Get a room you two!
The scene moves to the Rosebush and the Tulip.
The Tulip is watching some small animals like cats do while hunting, as if it could catch them. The Rose is tapping on a computer.
R: My dear, stop looking at them, you will eat them when they’ll be dead.
T: I can’t help, is my instinct.
R: It’s your greed, my fatty pistil.
T: And you like it, don’t you?
R: Oh for my litter! Australia is assaulted by fire!
T: And who cares?
R: (Hisses like a cat)
T: What?
R: There are our cousins there, your friend of ours, siblings, comrades. Doesn’t it scare you?
T: Shit happens.
R: Is your brain made of shit?
T: Technically yes, while we must eat it from the soil.
R: You’re worse than your Chernobyl friend of ours.
T: Really? That gigantic radioactive dude? Well, at least was funny.
R: He had the elegance of an anus of bird.
T: Honey!
R: Shut up, I need to find out how they are, and where are our puppies.
T: Honey, they are no puppies anymore…
R: I’m still their mum.
T: I mean, they are flowers…(The Rose is about to cry). All right let’s find out.
The scene returns to the trees.
C: Make them stop!
P: (It’s covering the sex scene with a brunch) We can’t! They are making a nest!
C: Stupid wren! Stupid vertebrate dinosaur! I’ll do it my way!
(The Cypress digs with his roots. It’s hard work. Digging, it’s getting shorter and shorter)
C: Damned Platanus, damn mushroom net, I’ll find you, you must be somewhere! I’ll go to the centre of the Earth to find you! I’ll have my goat! Despite you fucking chicken!
P: Guys please, this is my trunk! Have some respect! Hey Cypress, we are turning in a red light house!
C: Shall your genetic material be lost! Where is it? Where? Wait! I’ve found it! Hey, son of a piss, I’ve found it!
P: What?
C: The mushroom net! Send me the goat!
P: Oh yes! Please don’t be pretentious, it’s like eating sand!
C: I would eat you If I could! Send it!
P: Sap in the hall!
The goat is sent throw the mushroom net.
C: Bleah! Pouah!
P: I warned you!
C: Shut up! It’s delicious! How much time from the last photosynthesis! Where is the sun? There! Wait for me stupid fireball! Here, I have one leaf left!
Cypress does photosynthesis.
C: Oooooooh! For my strobili! I feel the wind again! I feel the Family all around me, I feel my leaves of ours! Finally! Oh my strobili look at this! The sea is smiling! Hahahaaa! Everything is smiling at us! Hi little creatures! Hi sky! Hi human! Heeeeeey, long since we saw you! What are you doing here little human? He he he… Ah you’re burning old chops. Waow! So warm and lucent!
P: For my seeds! Fire! Cypress! Fire
C: Yes, fire…fire? FIRE! Oh, my little strobili! My children! Aaaaah! What pain is that! Aaaaaah!
P: Go little fellows, you who can fly! Aaaaah! Damn! This gross human! Aaaaaaah!
At the feet of the trees
R: Now do you feel more empathy with our cousin, Figaro?
T: Shut up darling! I would be a cat again!
R: I remember, you were remarkable.
T: (Purrs)
Both flowers are eaten by fire
Meanwhile, the trees
P: That horrible monster! Cypress, have you some strobili?
C: Aaaah! What? Why do you care?
P: Give me them!
C: What?
P: Give me them! They are useless otherwise!
C: Shit! Here you are!
Cypress gives spitting three strobili to Platanus. Platanus take them in the mouth.
Platanus spit the strobili to kill the man.
C: Missed it! Aaaah! Missed again! Don’t let it run away! Yes! You did it! Hahahaha! Well, at least I see the sea. (It dies eaten by fire)
P: Hahaaa! Did you see it? Right in the middle of the head! Aaaaah! Well, I die like a red-light tree. (it dies eaten by flames)
After some time, when the fire is extinguished. A man is exploring the site of the burn. He has a walkie-talkie.
He observes everything destroyed. He founds a brown scull, with a hole in it. Describes what he sees to the walkie-talkie, which some time scratches and talks.
He remains astonished when he sees that a leaf is still waving in the wind.